Forgiveness is a major part of a well-balanced, healthy, and fulfilling life. Living peacefully with all men is important, forgiving one another as God has forgiven us all, for we have all sinned and come short of the glory of God.

 

God, through his grace and mercy, is willing to forgive us and remember our sins no more. He will not hold them against us, but it is necessary for us to repent. God does not want any of us to perish.

 

Except we ask our heavenly father for His forgiveness of all wrongdoing, we will all die in sin. With humanity, we don’t always have the luxury of one person asking the other to forgive. They may even be deceased or unwilling to apologize, but it’s still necessary for our sake to forgive. 

 

There was a period of time in my life when I lived with my mother’s brother, and his wife was very abusive towards my brother and me. From the first to the third grade, my brother and I experienced things done to us that would put my aunt in prison. Yes, it was child abuse to the first degree. We were finally delivered from that during the Christmas break of our third-grade year. 

 

Without going into major details, I’ll share some examples of how severe the abuse was. One day, after leaving my aunt’s house and living with my mother again (four years later, in the seventh grade), a group of boys was staring at my back while I was taking a shower after coming in from PE. One asked me how I got those stripes on my back. 

 

Years later, after hearing my pastor preach a sermon on how important it was to forgive, I took action! And as hard as it was, I went to my aunt over 50 years later and confessed my feelings to her. With tears in my eyes, I was looking for an apology, but there was none. She even laughed about it and told me it was all right (as though she was forgiving me for the way that I felt). 

 

But now, through my new Life in Christ, I can rise above it — I even visited her while she was still alive, doing little chores like sweeping the leaves off the roof of her house and showing her love because it was necessary for my healing. We must work toward fulfilling the scripture that tells us to love our enemy and do good to those who despitefully use and persecute us.

 

That’s when we have to tap into the love that Jesus spoke about, that we should love our neighbor as ourselves. As it is written, love covers a multitude of faults. Let us realize that we are not squeaky clean ourselves and are subject to the same offense or worse. If you hold anything in your heart against another person, although they may have done you wrong, it’s harmful for you not to forgive. In some cases, even after people know that they have hurt you, they don’t even care about your feelings but instead feel gratification that they have said or done something spiteful thanks to you. By them ignoring the fact that they have offended you will not stop the judgment of God upon their lives. 

 

So now, when someone goes low, you go high. Take the high road because unforgiveness breeds malice, hatred, and bitterness. This also brings forth stress, which has a chemical reaction in your body that can lead to sickness and disease. Therefore, it is crucial that you guard your heart, for anger rests in the bosom of a fool. I once heard a wise man say, “Holding malice and unforgiveness in your heart towards someone is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” 

 

There are also symptoms of unforgiveness, such as angry outbursts, being short-tempered, and having little to no patience. Many distractions keep you off the path of forgiving (which is a process), such as justifying your anger, feelings, and emotions. Although all of the evidence is against the other person, and popular opinion of people will tell you that you are right to feel the way you do, you must bear the burden and consequence of unforgiveness. 

 

Let us remember that three parts of us can be afflicted: our body, soul, and spirit. Our spirit is the energy wherein we operate, and our soul, which is the heart of us, determines our direction. And now, in the earth, our bodies must be the recipient of the decisions and actions that we have taken. We must remember that the Holy Scriptures teach us that if we do not forgive, then our Heavenly Father will not forgive us.

 

It is also important to forgive ourselves for making mistakes or bad decisions that we later learn were not in our best interest. So let go of self-condemnation, use your experience as a learning situation, and grow from it. It does no good to beat yourself up continually over a matter that you really cannot change. 

 

After asking someone to forgive you, work on forgiving yourself. Think about what you would do differently if this situation were to happen again because, in some cases, life is forgiving and will give you a do-over, but just be ready when it comes around again. 

 

It is true that we learn life lessons through our mistakes, and as David stated before he was afflicted and went astray; he said that it was good that he was afflicted. The Holy Scriptures tell us how the spirit of a man can sustain him, but a wounded spirit who can bear, for we know that out of our hearts flow the issues of our lives. Out of our hearts — which consists of our mind, will, and emotions — the natural man or woman will find it easier to hold on to offenses in his or her heart because they keep repeating themselves in our minds. That is why God’s Word tells us to cast down our imaginations. Negative thoughts are like an annoying insect that won’t leave us alone. 

 

To get rid of these thoughts, there must be a replacement. The Bible teaches that if there be any virtue, we should think of good things that edify to build us up, not tear us down. Although we are emotional beings, forgiveness is not a feeling but a decision. Our feelings, in most cases, stand in the way and stop us from making a righteous decision of forgiving. 

 

Forgiveness is a process, and we have to will ourselves to do it. As we go through the process of forgiving, our feelings and emotions will catch up with our decision. It also helps to carefully examine ourselves to see what part we might have played in the offense we may have helped cause against us. Now then, if we find ourselves as a contributing factor, it would help us loosen the hold of bitterness and unforgiveness. 

 

Let us remember that an action is cause for a reaction. That is why scripture teaches us that we should be careful for nothing and slow to speak and that if we do not offend in words, we will be perfect and able to control our whole bodies. 

 

There are ways we can also offend others without doing anything. For example, failing to say thank you or showing appreciation for a kind act toward you. We must admit that there are things we forget, overlook, or just choose not to do. For example, back in the day, giving people rides was a popular thing to do. I gave a man a ride crosstown, and he got out without saying a word. I felt like putting him back in the car and taking him back where I had picked him up.

 

We believe that offense is a necessary evil that tries our hearts to see whether we would be forgiving. Having a forgiving heart is a test of our obedience to the will of God. He tells us that if a brother sins against us 70 times 7 in a day we should forgive him because we have all sinned and come short of perfection. So when we find ourselves on the dark side as the offender and suffer for it, we must own it and know that we have no one to blame but ourselves. When we see the error of our ways, turn from them, and ask for forgiveness, then we must wait for the mercies of God to restore us to a right relationship with Him and to the one we have offended.

 

There are different degrees of an offense, such as committing a crime. The difference between a first, second, or third-degree misdemeanor or a felony. It all depends on whether the offender was accidentally, willfully maliciously, or premeditated, making some offenses more difficult than others to be forgiven. With that said, please remember this, forgiveness is not forgetting but remembering without the anger and bitterness. In any of these situations, let us not say that it can’t be done because, with God, all things are possible.

 

God’s word warns us that offense must come, but woe to him that be the offender. Doing evil and selfish things is a common practice among mankind, men and women alike. The Holy Scriptures tell us that our hearts are deceitful and desperately wicked. If we examine ourselves, we will find that the decisions we make are mostly all about ourselves. Yes, we are selfish by nature! Even when we do good things for others, what gratification or rewards are we expecting to gain? Although there are good deeds and acts of kindness that come through mankind, we have to give praise and credit to God, for every good and perfect gift comes from above. 

 

We are even commanded to love one another, even as God has loved us all. Let us not allow unforgiveness to grow and mature into a spirit of bitterness. To overcome these natural feelings and emotions, we find it necessary to follow the scripture that tells us that we must be born again, therefore receiving power over our natural emotions. 

 

Receiving the promise of a new heart, born of the Spirit of God, that gives us a new nature. We must still realize that our old nature is yet present. This leaves us with the decision of what voice we will follow: Will we follow the old nature, which is corrupt and born in sin, or hear and obey the voice of God?

 

Let us take a look at what’s at stake: resolving a relationship between family members, a friendship, or a marriage based on our decision of whether we will forgive or not. When we are unable or unwilling to forgive the person we profess to love, we must question whether or not we have been born again of the Spirit of God. Or, will we choose to walk in our earthly mind, not allowing the mind of Christ to operate freely in our lives? Let us hear the conclusion of the matter: fear God and keep his commandments, which include forgiving that we might be forgiven.